Candida Martinelli's Italophile Site
Main
Page This family-friendly site celebrates Italian culture for the enjoyment of children and
adults. Site-Overview
Ruth Orkin's famous photograph, American Woman in
Italy, from 1951.
The
poets Elizabeth and Robert Browning were famous Italophiles. I
describe them and some of their work on a page
dedicated to them. But before
marrying Robert and moving to Italy with him, Elizabeth wrote sonnets to
him and eventually published them under the title 'Sonnets from the
Portuguese'. Robert called her 'my Portuguese', and she wrote the
sonnets during their courtship for him. She
is credited with moving forward the art of sonnet-writing in the English
language with her moving, heartfelt, and thought-provoking
sonnets. You can read them online, and maybe borrow some to
impress a lover. Click here to go the Amherst University sonnet
page.
This
handsome devil is Petrarch who immortalized the object of his desire
(Laura) by writing over 300 sonnets to her in the course of his
lifetime. Click here to my Petrarch page and perhaps read a few sonnets
for inspiration.
Love
Poetry and Other Aphrodisiacs When in Italy, I
used to joke that every Italian man was born with a slip of paper
identifying his fidanzata. That was because I never met a
man without a woman he was promised to marry. I learned later that
many men tried to keep a woman in reserve, in case all their
messing around turned up nothing better. I'm a woman, so I have much here about what is like for a foreign
woman to date in Italy. But I also have much here about
marriage in Italy in general, and anecdotes about foreign men
dating in Italy. Dating
in Italy
can be difficult for a foreign woman. Why is it that men have less respect for foreign
women, and not just in Italy? Why is it that most see them as a sport to enjoy while
looking for the local woman to mother their children? I don't
know, and I won't speculate, but I will advise foreign women in Italy to
beware.
I had one Italian man assure me
that most Italian men are just looking for as many foreign
'adventures' as possible and nothing more.
And there were the Italian men
who asked me why most American women, specifically, moreso than other
foreign women, were so naive as to believe all the
lies the men told to get the women into bed. They strongly
suspected that most American women were slightly retarded,
especially compared to Italian women, who knew better than to believe
anything the men said.
At no point did the men ever
consider they might be wrong to use deception and deceit to attain their
'adventures'. And never did they show any remorse for the pain
they certainly caused the women who were not versed in Italian male
conceits, and who mistakenly believed they were embarking on a beautiful
romance.
Having said that...the latest data shows that 1 in 10 Italian
marriages these days, is between an Italian man and a non-Italian
woman. Most of these marriages are to poor Eastern European or
Russian women, for reasons we can only guess at. As for foreign men's experiences with Italian women? I'm
a woman, so what I can say comes from what foreign men have told me.
Their first impression is generally that Italian women seem to
take great care in their appearance, and dress sexily. Later understanding leads them to realize that is often a sign that
women expect financial security from a marriage, moreso than in a
country where women have a higher participation in the workforce than in
Italy, and earn wages closer to men's wages, and where wages are
generally high. I've met men who thought they were in a loving relationship only to
discover they were seen primarily as a good financial catch, and
expected to support the Italian woman for the rest of her life, on his
own, and that much of what she said to him and how she behaved was
deceitful. And I met an Italian woman who set her sights on marrying an
American man studying medicine in Italy (there are many), so she
could live a comfortable life in America as a doctor's wife. She
eventually did catch one, and is living, last I heard, as his wife in
Boston. I've met others who forged loving relationships with Italian women
who wanted desperately to leave Italy behind and to move to a
country where they could use their education to earn a decent living,
and where they didn't feel they had to play a part with the man they
loved. I've met men from developing nations who thought they were in
loving relationships with Italian women, only to find out they were
adventures, and never considered serious matches because they were
perceived as poor, with poor prospects. I've also met men from developing nations who married Italian
women who wanted to be dominant in a relationship and had decided it
would be easier to do this with a man who probably wanted desperately
not to have to return to his home country. So again, to both men and women dating in Italy, and in any country
where the culture is different from your own, beware. Things
many not be as you perceive them to be! What's marriage like in Italy? A recent study asked
people from the States and people in Italy 'What is the point of
marriage?'. In the States: roughly 70% said: companionship,
and providing to the well-being of your partner. In Italy: roughly 70% said: to have children. Forewarned is forearmed! Here are some of the data
to give you an idea about marriage in Italy. Married life in Italy is beginning later and later for mainly
two reasons. The first reason is that there is an affordable
housing shortage so couples wait to marry until they can find and
pay for something suitable. The second reason marriage begins later now is anecdotally explained
as many young
men prefer to be spoiled at home by their housewife mothers, than to
contribute housework in a working couple relationship, which is a
growing norm, even in Italy. (Italy rates near the bottom on the
European list of women's empowerment.) Another reason is the growing number of young women entering the
workforce. Many openly state for all to hear, their contempt
for traditional Italian men who expect them to be their second mother,
which often means being the couple's housekeeper, cook, baby-maker and
bottle-washer. Once Italians marry, they are likely to remain married, for better
or for worse. Only 12% divorce, which is near rock bottom in
Europe. But like all countries where divorce is uncommon, infidelity
rates are high (50% for men, 60% for women in a latest study). It
means serial infidelity is the norm for over half of married Italians,
rather than serial monogamy, as is the growing norm in English-speaking
countries. The three reasons divorce is low in Italy are: Italian women appear to know intuitively what a Canadian study has
shown, that women and children suffer in divorces because of the poverty
they are often subjected to by bum-fathers, more than any other factor. The latest statistics show that a change is occurring in the regions
where women are very active in the workforce (north-central Italy).
For a sobering viewpoint on infidelity in Italian marriages, check
out this BBC
article. If a couple has a child (most do, but nowadays, only one, maximum 2),
the child is usually prized and spoiled. Italy has very low rates
of child abuse and childhood accidents. Children are
another reason divorce is rare. For the good of the children, the
couple will generally stay together, unhappily, and sometimes
hostilely, at least until the child is 18. Use of birth control is very, very high, teen pregnancies low, and abortion
legal and on par with England and France's rates. But despite a
high use of condoms, HIV/AIDS is high
on the European scale due to high numbers of IV drug users. A recent study found some evidence that the low birth rates in
Mediterranean EU countries correlated with their insistence on
maintaining a traditional paternalistic society. (Italy was
recently singled out by the Financial Times newspaper as a country in
Western Europe where feminism had lost the fight, and women's
representations in society were on the low level of a developing
nation.) Women, it seems, would have the obligatory child in marriage,
but were very reluctant to have more than one. Many calculated
that to earn social acceptance, they had to have the one child, but they
could also maintain some freedom in a quite possibly loveless or
unfaithful marriage by not having any more than one. And with only one
child, it might be easier to continue working. Actually, the latest evidence shows that healthy demographics
(a birth rate at replacement level) depends on a modern economy
paired with a modern society, modern in terms of making children and
work compatible for women. Italy (and Japan) has not yet
been able to accomplish that. Until it does, birth rates will
continue to remain below replacement level. If you are not Italian, but want to marry in Italy, one company offers just this service
in romantic Venice. Click here
to go to the
Venice Honeymoons site. And the Virtual Italia site offers an article
explaining how to organize the wedding yourself. Another company
will organize your Italian wedding in San Gimignano, Portofino, or at
Lake Como. There are lots of Italian sites for
wedding planning, in Italian. Here are three: Visit
my Majolica page to read more about it and to
see more images of the various types of majolica, the perfect wedding
gift for an Italophile.
A recent survey conducted in Europe
asked men how often they had
romantic relations. Why the European Union's surveyors asked this,
no one knows, but many suspect the Eurocrat who authorized it was trying
to settle a bet in Brussels, the location of the European Union's civil
service. They seem to have too much time on their hands, and
international competitiveness can sometimes get the better of them. The results showed that Italian men claimed to have romantic
relations more frequently than all other Europeans. But who believes a
guy about things like that? Forget the strictures against kissing
and telling. The survey proved only that Italian men are the
biggest braggarts in Europe! A
few years back, the central bank of Italy noticed lots of poetry written
in pen on the worn out lira bills that were about to be destroyed.
An example of the innate Italian sense of art, they actually had
employees sort through the poetry to select the best and published it in an
anthology!
It was a big hit, not just in Italy. Most of the
poems were love odes, but why they were written on bills, I'm not
sure. Unless the writers were inspired and could find no other
paper to write on. If
poetry is not your forte, you could always try aphrodisiacs.
The Mangiare Bene site provides romance inducing
recipes. Click here
to go to that recipe page. Saint Pasquale de Baylon is the
Saint Protector of all World Cooks. He was sanctified partly because of the sexual potency a
recipe of his gave men in his parish and beyond, helping them
conceive lots of children. That recipe was for Zabaione, an
egg, sugar and Marsala wine dessert. Click here
to read his story and to get the original recipe
that he gave to his female parishioners, the 1-2-2-1, or the 'L
Sanbajon, in the Turin
dialect. Or go to my Zabaione
page for more information and a simple recipe that comes out great
every time.
Italian
men (and women) do like to flirt, even if they rarely expect anything to come of
it. I read the comments of an Italian doctor working in Ireland
who complained bitterly about the Irish women's lack of fun. None
of them were willing to join him in flirting in the workplace! He
was so disappointed he was considering quitting and returning to
Italy. I,
too, have had Italian bosses who, if they were working in the States,
would have long ago been charged with several counts of sexual
harassment. When I warned one of them about this (in case he ever
worked for a U.S. company), I realized from his expression that it was
and would remain a case of cross-cultural misunderstanding. He
could not comprehend that a woman would not appreciate being
desired. Few women in Italy climb very high on company ladders, so
he could not grasp the idea that his flirting could be construed as
sexual blackmail. Just a word of warning.... Of all the nationalities that
visit Italy, I noticed more Americans than others, marrying and staying
put. I only met one American man who was with an Italian women, and she
considered herself very lucky to have him. All
the others were American women living in Italy with Italian husbands. The cultures were different, and there were
difficulties, but when they were overcome, most felt they were enjoying
the best of both worlds. The Italian men often said they felt a friendship with their American
wife that they could not imagine having with an Italian wife. The
American women often said they felt more feminine and desired than they
had felt in relationships with American men. There was the ex-marketer who chucked it in and moved to Italy.
She fell in love with a businessman, they married, started several
companies together, and then started a late family. Her pregnancy
and delivery were so easy that she almost regretted not starting earlier
so she could have had more children. There was a woman from New York married to an Italian Freudian
psychoanalyst whom she had met in the
States. It seemed to be a good relationship, but then he hit on me,
the jerk, when his wife was visiting her family back home. Maybe
it was just a Freudian slip. And there was the American woman who collected Christmas trees from
people after the holiday season. In Italy they often sell the trees with
the roots, so she planted them at their property in the
countryside. It was partly out of compassion for the trees, and
partly to plant an inexpensive shield from their nosey neighbors. There was also an American woman who had fallen, nearly upon arrival
in Italy, for a male model-looking Italian man. But when her
Italian improved, and the allure of the dark looks wore off, she
realized he was nearly illiterate and Neanderthal in his ideas about
women. The last I saw of her, she was engaged to marry a balding,
blond, scrappy Italian man who was charming, intelligent, proud of her
success, and very successful in his own right. I knew one American woman who was engaged to marry an
Italian. She told me she was going to have to take him back to the States to
save her sanity. She explained that another American woman she
knew who had married six months earlier and remained in Italy, had spent
an hour the previous afternoon explaining why you had to definitely,
absolutely, positively mop every floor in your house every single day of
the year! To escape this sort of brainwashing, she said, she was ready to
make a mad dash after the ceremony from the church to the airport with
her man in tow. There was also the woman who married an Italian thirty years ago,
established a life together in Italy, brought up a family
together, and recently explained to their friends, with some embarrassment,
that the husband had broken his toe in bed. Her friends were very impressed, and wondered if the American woman -
Italian man combination wasn't something special afterall. Italy has long been a capital of porn filmmaking, but now it's inundated
with porn websites and counterfeit sex-drugs. It become so bad
that even the late-Pope made a special appeal to Italians to kick
the porn habit.
He stressed that the habit, or more precisely, the
fetish, is based on the inhumane debasement of the sex act and of the
women in most sex films and on most sites. The porn obsession
is also the reason I do not link to more Italian sites. Too often
they are subverted to re-link to porn sites, or they advertise hard-core
porn on unrelated sites, or hide links to porn in innocent-looking
links. I was re-linked to one and my system infected with a computer
virus, so be careful when roaming through Italian cyberspace,
especially when roaming with your children!
Sometimes the fantasy is better than the real
thing, so if
you like reading romance novels, I've put together a page
of romance novels set in Italy.
Dating
and Mating in Italy
Introduction
Foreign Women and Deceit
Foreign Men Dating
and Mating in Italy
Marriage in Italy, the Data
Children in Italy
Getting Married in Italy
Romance and Big Talk
Love Poetry and Other Aphrodisiacs
Romance in the Workplace
Americans in Italy
Porn Warning
Romance Novels Set in Italy
